I just finished the finale of Supernatural, and guys - a SEMI? Are they kidding? I don't even know what to do with that.

Meanwhile, Ros showed me something called "Real Person" slash, and it's just so wrong. WRONG. I don't know that I can talk about it, because I'm so appalled by it. And then there was some other fanfiction that talked about the BROTHERS having sex, and I just tuned out. Can you bleach your brain? Is it possible to unsee something?

So gross.

Things settled down again. I'm getting used to that. I'm still confused, school is still hard. Whatever.

The real point is: Man, oh man - I'm so in love with Supernatural. Sam is so freaking hot. I'm just dead over it. Dead. And now Ros is showing me fanfic, and wow -- how have I never seen this stuff before?

She tells me there's stuff to be found for a lot of the shows I'm into. Maybe I'll go looking for some Buffy stuff next. I could really get into some good Willow & Tara stories. Right now we're looking on a site called fanfiction.net. Is there someplace else I can go, too?

This is that whole Ros can't read this filter again.

I guess I spoke to soon, or something. We just had a huge fight. It all started when my ex-boyfriend called. I know, it's not a great idea to take those phone calls on Valentine's Day, but he's going through a rough patch (he just broke up with his girlfriend), and he really needs support.

Ros lost it when I hung up. It was all the same stuff we've gone over a million times before. She thinks that I'm still in love with him. She thinks I'm just experimenting with her and that I'm going to leave her when I get the chance. She thinks that the fact that I won't come out to my family and friends back home is an example of it. And I just don't know how to comfort her.

To make matters worse, I guess I am a little confused. Still. I mean, she's the first girl I've ever been with, and I love her. But I still think about guys, and okay, fantasize about them, every so often. But that doesn't mean I'm going to leave her or that I don't love her. I just don't know what to do. She's asleep on the couch right now. She was giving me the silent treatment before that. I just don't know.

How did my life get to be this perfect?

Christmas was great. New Year's was better. Then things fell apart a little, but they're okay now. I have the best girlfriend ever, still.

School, though, is totally killing me. Send help. And snacks.

Oh my gosh, best pre-Christmas ever! I've decided to go home, but Ros and I talked it out, and she knows that I have to do this. I think she understands. I love her so much, she's so amazing.

Anyway, I'm flying out tomorrow, so we decided to celebrate Christmas today. I got her the novel of Lost & Delirious, a heart necklace I found in a cute little shop, and I wrote her a poem that I mounted on some nice paper and framed for her. I think she liked it all.

She didn't just give me my gifts, though - she made a scavenger hunt. Starting with a little note on Tara's collar, I had to find my presents where they were hidden in the apartment. It was so much fun! I got a bracelet, a ring, lipgloss (cherry!), Better Than Chocolate, homemade cookies and a photograph she took of us this past summer that she'd framed herself. It's like I won some kind of girlfriend lottery, guys.

Oh, and we got Tara the Wonder Kitty a new collar and food bowl!

I'm trying this filtering thing, I hope it works. Anyway, hopefully Ros can't read this.

I've been really busy with school, volunteering and more school and I haven't had a lot of time to catch up with my family. I miss them a lot, and want to go home for Christmas, but Ros is giving me all sorts of guilt trips about it.

I love her, and I want to be with her, but I'm not ready to tell my parents about us, and I don't think there's enough room in the house for her to stay with us over the holiday. She wanted me to come to her parents' place over the break. I don't know. She keeps crying and saying all sorts of things about how she knows I'm going to leave her and that I'm not really gay.

It doesn't help that lately, I've been really noticing guys. I mean, really noticing them. I haven't been with a guy since a couple of months into freshman year, and I kind of miss it. I'm so fucked up.

I love her, but I don't know what to do about this. I just don't know.

So I'm posting again. Maybe this isn't a total wash. I'm still liking the show, when I get to watch it. School's totally kicking my butt, and I just don't know what I'm going to do. I've already cut back on yoga, and I'm starting to feel it effecting my mood. What's a girl to do, though, right? I mean, my parents are paying for my education, not my exercise routine.

Anyway, I found this and thought it was really interesting:

Astrology, Zodiac Signs: Gemini
Birthdates: May 22 - June 21
Element of the Gemini zodiac sign: Air
Astrological quality of the Gemini zodiac sign: Mutable (i.e. flexibility)

Planets and the Gemini zodiac sign
* Ruling Planet: Mercury
* Career Planet: Neptune
* Love Planet: Jupiter
* Money Planet: Moon
* Planet of Health and Work: Pluto
* Planet of Home and Family Life: Mercury
Colours of the Gemini zodiac sign: blue, yellow
Gems of the Gemini zodiac sign: agate, aquamarine
Metals of the Gemini zodiac sign: quicksilver
Best day of the week for Gemini zodiac sign: Wednesday

Strongest virtues of the Gemini zodiac sign: great communication skills, quickness of thought, quick learning
Deepest need of the Gemini zodiac sign: communication
Weaknesses of the Gemini zodiac sign: superficiality, gossiping, harsh speech that may hurt others, use of words for misleading or misinforming

Horoscope compatibilities of the Gemini zodiac sign with other zodiac signs
* Zodiac Signs of greatest overall compatibility: Libra, Aquarius
* Zodiac Signs of greatest overall incompatibility: Virgo, Pisces
* Zodiac Sign most helpful to career: Pisces
* Zodiac Sign most helpful for emotional support: Virgo
* Zodiac Sign most helpful financially: Cancer
* Zodiac Sign best for marriage and/or partnerships: Sagittarius
* Zodiac Sign most helpful for creative projects: Libra
* Zodiac Signs most helpful in spiritual matters: Taurus, Aquarius


I guess I should get back to work - I have three papers to write, and two movies to watch.

Ros made me sit down this weekend and watch this show she likes - Supernatural. It's really good, and I'm enjoying it so far. And I think Tara likes it too, she curled up between us and stayed there just about the whole time.

So then Ros said I should get one of these livejournal thingies. Well, she's been saying it for a long time, but she finally sat me down and set it up for me. I don't know how good I'll be at keeping up with it, though. Between school, volunteer work and yoga, I don't know when I'll have time.